After reading the comments on my essay, I have found that I have a decent set up of my overall essay and okay examples to back up my claims though where I fall in concluding all of those together for the conclusion and using my own experiences and examples to back them up. This would have helped me tie the conclusion together which ultimately fell short and did not tie together both of my points. I also need to work on my apa citing the works cited which makes sense since I tried finding this on the site but found that it was tough to find and effected this part of the essay. Though I believe that my in quotations are fine and overall structure of the essay is fine.
Overall I believe that my essay is decent but could just use a better conclusion.
I can address these issues by going into modules and checking how to find the apa citation for the pages citied and fix that and then just tie together the conclusion.
Shirley, Joanne, Indira
1.) The reality show follows the lives of Bruce and Kris Jenner’s combined family [in which] most of the episodes focus on the three oldest daughters, Kourtney, Kim, and Khloe Kardashian.
2.) Bruce Jenner was famous for breaking the world record and winning a gold medal in the decathlon at the 1976 Olympics[;] [h]is sons from a previous marriage, Brandon and Brody, have also appeared on their own reality shows.
3,) The Kardashians’ father, the late attorney Robert Kardashian, was famous for representing O. J. Simpson, [whose] daughters gained recognition as American socialites.
4.) Kim came into the national spotlight in 2007 after a sex- tape scandal resulting [in a] Playboy appearance[, which then] the Kardashian fame grew into a profitable reality series.
5.) The show depicts the daily routine of the Kardashians [which] spin- off shows feature Kourtney, Kim, and Khloé’s attempts to build their line of fashion boutiques.
6.) The Kardashians’ behavior at first seemed outrageous [however] they are a loving family.
7.) The Kardashians squabble like typical siblings [even though] Kris, the mother, holds the family together.
8.) Kim’s $10 million wedding to pro basketball player Kris Humphries in 2011 was seen by an estimated 10.5 million viewers[, but] the marriage lasted only 72 days.
The structure of the online essay was vey compelling and thought out in terms of structure. I liked that it started off with some context or background of what was happening in that time and then a quote of the storyteller. Also having context to the background of the history and how that shaped his childhood and life at that time was extremely important in understanding what type of struggles and how that would overall shape his views in life later on. I also found that it kept me very engaged when reading because the overall narrative was long but having an engaging story helped a ton.
I saw that other people really liked that he told what his parents perspective were when they were younger and how that would shape how they saw education and raised their children. And again telling the background of the historical context really helped with this too and kept the story engaging.
It was great seeing what his life would amount to and how he came to the united states for a better education and how we know as the reader the amount of work that he had to do to accomplish this.