November 15th: In class writing

After reading Shirley’s response about these three different essays, I find out some similarities and also some differences.

The similarities are:

  • Based on the first essay she mentions that inequality is becoming a threat to the United States and the frustration that people are facing is rooted deeply in their lives.
  • Based on the second essay she mentioned the direct relationship between social inequality and selling of painkillers.
  • We both agreed on which social inequality is not only cause physical pain, but also psychological pain.

The differences are:

  • One of the points that she mentioned that is the relationship between economical inequality and increasing in crime rates.
  • I mentioned how these painkillers are affecting the well being and how people feel no control over their lives.

Essay 2 Feedback:

One of the problems in my essay was the length of the paragraphs and it’s better to break the paragraphs for better understanding and organization just by using the key ideas of two different essays. He gave me a feedback to shorten my paragraphs. According to American Academic writing, it’s better to start by addressing the article and trying to shorten the paragraphs.

Another comment that I got for this essay was about adding a synthesis part and analyzing paragraphs and main ideas by bringing different ideas of two different authors and analyze them and come up with a better conclusion.


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