Essay 2 Feedback 11/8

A common pattern of writing related issues within my essay is a more clear thesis and what kind of argument that the author makes. I have a decent analysis of quotes, but instead of citing it as “paragraph”, I should abbreviate it. Lastly, I can also work on my organization of the essay by including ideas in separate paragraphs instead of combining it. Lastly, I can work on my “References Page” by correctly formatting it in APA.

10/28 Multimodal Compositions Similarities/Differences In-Class Writing

Similarities and features of multimodal essays

  • included that making a script would help with organization for the video project
  • Using other features like animation and sound will be more interesting for the audience
  • Adding emotion in your voice will make video essay stand out

Verb Tenses Activity 10/25

For a long time, my stepson, Jonathan, was unhappy to have me as part of his family, for
he resented that he didn’t have both biological parents at home. I tried to get to know him
better, but he complained that I invaded his privacy. As a newcomer, I understood that
our relationship will require effort from both of us. It was not enough that I was friendly.
Jonathan also wants us to be friends, and I was not happy with the two of us being
strangers, but I can wait for him to feel more comfortable around me.
Anne Marie collects antique bottles and loves to turn them into works of art. She buys
bottles if she likes them, but she prefers to find them in the ground. She finds bottles
everywhere, but picks them selectively. However, she has the best luck at
construction sites on old farmland, where she spends most of her time. Often, bottles
appear on the surface after a good rain, but they disappear very soon. She uses
special tools for excavating bottles, including a set of brushes. She does not want to break
the bottles as she removes them from the ground. After finding a new bottle, Anne Marie
adds it to her display case and hangs on the wall as an artistic piece (Mangelsdorf,
2013, p. 411).

Video Essay Brainstorm Ideas 10/23

Ideas for Essay 3:

  • Interview: Saralyn Ruff about the crisis of students second guessing their major because of career choice (next week)
  • Prove how I want to integrate psychology with fashion
  • Integrate psychology with other subdisciplines one is passionate about
  • Requires some type of creativity
  • Mention interdisciplinary application assignment and how it helps students reflect more upon their major

Group Writing- 10/21 Mandy, Lou, Angill

Charlotte Clymer, a worker of the Human Rights Campaign, is arguing that presidential candidate Julian Castro deserves to stay in the presidential race. She quotes a tweet from him that mentioned that his campaign is underfunded and will be silenced if $800,000 is not raised by October 31st. Her main reason why she wants Julian Castro to stay in the debate is because he “was the first presidential candidate to bring up trans rights in a nationally televised debate.”

General Discussion on Essay 3- 10/21

3 key features of video essay:

  1. using audio/video editing software
  2. creating a narrative to read from for a voiceover
  3. effectively communicating with sounds, images, and videos

3 main requirements:

  1. using the library database
  2. analyze three sources: a textbook, scholarly article, interview with professor/expert from discipline
  3. use multimodal components to effectively communicate information and persuade incoming freshmen about your major

Activity 10/18

Parallel Structure Exercise

  1. My dog is not only friendly but also playful.


  1. We can go to the park or dancing in the classroom.

We can go to the park or dance in the classroom.

  1. Jeremy likes to read historical, realistically and speculative fiction.

Jeremy likes to read historical, realistic, and speculative fiction.

  1. When I went to the bar, I want to dance, drinking and punch on the rowdy faces.

When I went to the bar, I wanted to dance, drink, and punch on rowdy faces.

  1. Buying a car is not a decision to take lightly nor be careless about.

Buying a car is not a decision to take lightly or be carelessly about.

  1. Tyler is for the legalization, not criminalization of marijuana.


  1. Sally needs a new stove, dishwasher and a set knives for her kitchen.
  2. My first grade teacher taught me how to write, how to read and play tic-tac-toe.

My first grade teacher taught me how to write, read, and play tic-tac-toe.

  1. She will not be admitting it, nor will she be apologizing.
  2. The whole wheat pasta is better than enriched wheat pasta.
  3. correct
  4. Literature classes teach students to analyze texts, thinking critically, and improve writing.

Literature classes teach students to analyze texts, think critically, and improve writing.

  1. Beets are just as nutrient rich as rutabagas even though they are not in season.


  1. Drunk drivers are thoughtlessly takingthe lives of other people in their own hands, risk their own lives, thinking only about their own pleasure and fun, and not consider the consequences of their actions.
  2. Drunk drivers are thoughtlessly taking the lives of other people in their own hands, risking their own lives, thinking only about their own pleasure and fun, and not considering the consequences of their actions.
  3. In order to convey the information correctly, the police officer spokeloudly to the crowd, tell people where they should stand, repeatedthe information to help people remember, and gesture.

In order to convey the information correctly, the police officer spoke loudly to the crowd, told people where they should stand, repeated the information to help people remember, and gestured.


10/2 In-Class Writing: Mandy, Sophie, Angill

English: The greatest wealth is to live content with little.

Spanish: La mayor riqueza es vivir contenido con poco.

The sentence structures are the same. They include a subject/noun first, then followed by a verb. In  high school, Spanish grammar was very easy to me only because of the similarity with English sentence structures.

  1. Run-on- The chickens on campus play a famous role for our school, and they make us unique.
  2. Run-on- If the chickens laid eggs and hid them somewhere, they would get left behind.
  3. Comma Splice- The chickens bring laughter to our students. Without them, we’d be an ordinary school.
  4. Comma Splice- I remember after my first class, I was leading out to the bookstore. Unfortunately, I stepped on the chicken’s dump.
  5. Run-on- Right now, there are many chickens living freely on campus, but many professors don’t want chickens.
  6. Run-on- Chickens should not be allowed to live freely on the campus because they cause stinky odors, make noise, and no one wants to clean after.
  7. Run-on- Anytime students want to lie down on the lawn, they need a place that looks clean and fresh air. Therefore, they cannot take a nap and study.
  8. Correct
  9. Run-on- During the time, students are in the lab. If the chickens make a lot of noise, the students won’t focus to do their job.
  10. Comma Splice- In conclusion, if the chickens live freely, then students should clean the chicken’s mess.


In Farrell and Maggie’s “Leadership Reflections: Extrovert and Introvert Leaders,” the issues of favoritism of extroverted leaders are discussed. Introverted leaders are often underestimated because they are stereotyped for being shy and quiet: “These expectations tend to favor extroverts in leadership roles but organizations may overlook the strengths of introverts as leaders losing out on the potential for effective management” (Farrell, 2017 p. 1). In other words, introverts are underestimated because their strengths contrast from extroverts. As a result, those who are introverted feel discouraged to contribute their strengths in the workplace. In order to be successful in the workplace, it is important to understand both strengths from introverts and extroverts, instead of favoring one over the other.


Farrell, M. (2017, May/June). Leadership reflections: extrovert and introvert leaders. Journal of Library Administration, 57:436–443, Fusion. Retrieved from

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