I think when I first began applying to grad school, I pictured my first day of my masters program sitting in a classroom, facing a projector screen, being able to meet my fellow masters students for dinner or coffee, and shaking each of my professors hands to introduce myself. When I actually began the program, the situation looked a bit different. I got to stare at twenty new faces through my computer screen via Zoom. I got to wave at my professor through my screen, and learn everyone’s names from their little zoom window label. I also was having technological difficulties, which added to the stress of it still being my first day! In other words, I had a completely different reality planned for what my graduate school experience would initially look like.

It was important to me that this experience of learning about teaching and education be personal and meaningful. I knew in advance of my acceptance to any program that it would all be online, but I still thought my computer screen and camera would be a roadblock to the emotional journey of this program. I knew it would hinder some aspects of my experience no matter what. I have been able to learn and reflect on my own time, but I wish I could have these conversations and share my opinions with my professors in person. I can do it by email? by phone? by zoom? Yes, but it does not feel the same. There is not necessarily any room to create relationships with my professor or my peers that I suppose would come from meeting in person.

I have started to believe through out the semester that there is an upside to this whole situation, but it certainly took time for me to start adopting this perspective. Even though the relationships with people in class or professor are not as personal, I have a whole cohort of people experiencing the same situation and maybe the same feelings as me. I know I am not alone! I think this experience has also made me more self aware, in terms of making sure I am getting everything I can out of class, and taking advantage of the time that I do have with my professor. I also think it has allowed me to think more critically about what we are learning bout discussing. I am not necessarily just feeding off of the professor? Who knows, maybe this is what was supposed to happen in grad school all along, not just because of Zoom!

It is a struggle, but remembering the big picture surrounding it all and not thinking about what can happen in future is something to focus on as the program progresses I suppose!